Word to yo virgin mama, Mary! Slap a ham to the savory gams of our salivary lord and savior while rallying 'round the puckered rosette of holiest light.Give thanks to the celestial turkey (approximately 3 minutes per pound) who sacrifices himself each year for the negligible sins of eradicating most of North America's indigenous peoples and also for not tipping 20% base on dinner checks in urban areas, though it is common knowledge that the cost of living is higher. In his name we prey on our fellow man, uh, men. Yay, God.
Gay For Pay by EdwardsMate4Ever
WARNING: wet, gaping holes for indiscriminate pleasure taking, droppin' hundos
tocatchah!Carlisle x lolita!ward
Like a modern fairy tale featuring Julia Roberts, Carlisle picked up a hooker that was sweatin' gallons through a pair of Daisy Duke cut-offs, some flip flops, and one of them Fonzerelli style t-shirts. Later that night Carlisle lost himself to a hot, ready hole, sparse teen chest hair, and a selfish bedside manner. His name was Edward.
WARNING: corporal punishment, hurt/comfort, extreme self-loathing, high school timezzz
daddy!Carlisle x victorianjerk!ward
So many demons, so little time. Cats, money, sex, three pints of damn, and a chaser of hell blast, that Edward Cullen is at it again! Much like the blue people from Avatar, Edward has the ability to mind meld with any old human he can get his ponytail wrapped around. Unfortunately for Edward, the only thing he will be connecting with is the business end of an unforgiving ass beating to break the very marble hand of Zeus.
Calling all the basic bitches, calling all the basic bitches, there is a new announcement. If you liked Breaking Dawn, you're basic. Your Honor, if it pleases the court, we offer our review of Broken Down, part douche, into evidence. If the court is displeased, submit it anyways.
Gay For Pay by EdwardsMate4Ever
A Son's Rite of Passage by Mia-63
