fractured phalluses & broken hearts

Good God, Get a Goddamn Grip Girl.

We know which side our bread is buttered on! Since everyone knows CTKB is all about hard hitting investigative journalism, it's time for some irrelevant months-old news! Your worldview may have been thrown into chaos not so recently after US Weekly published some pictures of Kristin making out with Rupert Sanders, her gross SWATH director (We would have picked his son, Tennyson). In response to Kristin's Craig's List sidewalk sale cock encounter, fans took to their twitter and tumblr accounts in a slut-shaming, sex negative rage, carrying on like a bunch of betrayed housewives.

Fast forward to now, the clouds have parted and good news is shining down, warming the earth, and beginning to dry the banks that were once over-flown with tears. Rob has forgiven Kristin, and Taylor, since he no longer has to pick sides, has resumed his rightful position as Kristin's best gal pal. Balance to the universe has been restored! Whoopie!


So yeah, that's a thing. We prescribe suicide, but if you cannot afford it, the 5 G's will do.

For a second there, we thought the Aztec's might have been right about the whole 2012 thing. But then again, Rob is a Taurus and she's an Aries... HAHA. JUST KIDDING. How can you really believe in that stuff? What a medieval alchemist baby!

ON!WARD to teh pronz!

Boys and Their Toys by TexasRoseFanfiction: Chaps. 14-16
WARNING: There is many a slip between the cup and the lip.
Jas!hole x Sped!ward

0H my G0SH! Famous Lady Gaga Puts his vagina in Her GF tight pussy. Now at GagaOral.way.to Have a Seat and watch links!! Bad Romance. Bad Writing. Bad Fanfic.
Freed from the cavernous moisture of unwanted puss, our hero is free to flap his balls in the winds of fate. Will a gentle zephyr that is Edward Cullen fill his holes with wind, or will his short time on this earth be cut short by chronic workplace masturbation? ONLY TIME WILL TELL.

pissy jizz flaps

PRIDE - a deeper love! Happy Pride/4th of July/Summer Solstice to our adoring pube-lick the world over.

We come bearing some pretty fantastically overcooked crap snacks to be picked over, in part, by porn vultures like you. One of which was written by the much fabled fanfiction unicorn, a BIOLOGICAL male! Don't say we never gave you anything.

A King's Affection by M.B. Massin (a.k.a. Judas Manifesto): Chaps. 1-3
WARNING: glaring historical inaccuracies, sexually precocious princes, fine Egyptian John Linens
Greek!ward x Jas!hole (eventually)

Welcome to the thunderdome! This homer-erotic epic chronicles the Japanese game show-style Olympian grab-ass games in which house-elves, Jasperous and Isabellaous battle to the death in typical jello wrestling Greek custom to win the fickle favor of the usurping bisexual butt slurp, Edwardicous Culleanious.

Boys and Their Toys by TexasRoseFanfiction: Chaps. 4-7
WARNING: butt-sex elitists, dogs licking piss off stinging nettles, women hating, slash, inappropriate work place masturbation, grilling steaks
Jas!hole x ED!ward

While the emasculating, hairy, steamy jungle cunt is pickling (?) the boys will play... at Edward Cullen's COCK PALACE. Get your ASSHOLE flooded with JIZZ, JIZZ, JIZZ. Have every other available orifice wedged open with vibrating industrial clamps, stuffing your gaping, hungry, spasming holes with probes, beads, tops, whirly gigs, pinwheels, roman candles, and other sensual tchotchkes. Only at Edward Cullen's COCK PALACE. HE DOESN'T EVEN WORK HERE. Edward Cullen's COCK PALACE. Dudes ONLY.





A King's Affection by M.B. Massin
Boys and Their Toys by TexasRoseFanfiction

GOD BLESS...

Pretzel Pan Blue-Finger, M.D.

Come little monsters, raise your paws up in the shape of a dick. We're back after an extended vaca(y) to bring you the GAY PRIDE EDITION of Cullen The Kettle Black!! But that's not all, the author of this spicy fart bubble is the illusive, rare unicorn of fanfuckery -- A BIOLOGICAL MALE.


"Judas Manifesto is my pseudonym." WUT!? Get out of town!1!!!11!! 
"My real name is Brandyn M, just in case you were wondering. My most popular name seems to be "B Man"..." From G-D's ass (never take His name in vain!) to our glass table riches abound. 



Strictly Sexual by Judas Manifesto
WARNING: fire sale, gay homosexual anal intercourse, b-hole cream pies, and a general lack of knowledge on the topics of anatomy, physiology, bi-ology, and Scientology.
Backass!Ward x Jas!Hole x Horsecock!Emmett

Edward didn't start the fire, but there were three things about which he was absolutely certain; first, that it was always burning since the world was turning. Second, there was a part of him, and he wasn't sure how dominant that part was, which blamed the fumes of that fire for his flaming gayness, and third, he was unconditionally and irrevocably a twat.

Strictly Sexual by Judas Manifesto