fractured phalluses & broken hearts

Good God, Get a Goddamn Grip Girl.

We know which side our bread is buttered on! Since everyone knows CTKB is all about hard hitting investigative journalism, it's time for some irrelevant months-old news! Your worldview may have been thrown into chaos not so recently after US Weekly published some pictures of Kristin making out with Rupert Sanders, her gross SWATH director (We would have picked his son, Tennyson). In response to Kristin's Craig's List sidewalk sale cock encounter, fans took to their twitter and tumblr accounts in a slut-shaming, sex negative rage, carrying on like a bunch of betrayed housewives.

Fast forward to now, the clouds have parted and good news is shining down, warming the earth, and beginning to dry the banks that were once over-flown with tears. Rob has forgiven Kristin, and Taylor, since he no longer has to pick sides, has resumed his rightful position as Kristin's best gal pal. Balance to the universe has been restored! Whoopie!


So yeah, that's a thing. We prescribe suicide, but if you cannot afford it, the 5 G's will do.

For a second there, we thought the Aztec's might have been right about the whole 2012 thing. But then again, Rob is a Taurus and she's an Aries... HAHA. JUST KIDDING. How can you really believe in that stuff? What a medieval alchemist baby!

ON!WARD to teh pronz!

Boys and Their Toys by TexasRoseFanfiction: Chaps. 14-16
WARNING: There is many a slip between the cup and the lip.
Jas!hole x Sped!ward

0H my G0SH! Famous Lady Gaga Puts his vagina in Her GF tight pussy. Now at GagaOral.way.to Have a Seat and watch links!! Bad Romance. Bad Writing. Bad Fanfic.
Freed from the cavernous moisture of unwanted puss, our hero is free to flap his balls in the winds of fate. Will a gentle zephyr that is Edward Cullen fill his holes with wind, or will his short time on this earth be cut short by chronic workplace masturbation? ONLY TIME WILL TELL.

Kabuki Rape

Hate Bella!: Chaps. 7-12
WARNING: Crossdressing/Feminization, D/S relationships, DO NOT read this fanfic if you are not capable of multiple orgasms.
Dom!Bella x Sub!ward x Slug!ward x Michael!ward

Jus ween Edward's think the Bella is starting to like him, she. us like the shadow boxing Russian circus/ bear who bite he owner. Mythical doctor's appointments, tight red skirts, and the smell of fresh degradation, the fantastical conclusion(maybe/sorta?) of Hate Bella! is just how Bella like it.

Hate Bella! by rob-love

P.S. Through a series of non-events I was witness to the douche bazooka known as a 100 Monkeys concert over the weekend. I wouldn't recommend it. The experience was somewhat akin to death by horse cock. Also, Jackson Rathbone is a feltchmongering cum fart and Uncle is a sexy chocolate daddy. That is all.

Pretzel Pan Blue-Finger, M.D.

Come little monsters, raise your paws up in the shape of a dick. We're back after an extended vaca(y) to bring you the GAY PRIDE EDITION of Cullen The Kettle Black!! But that's not all, the author of this spicy fart bubble is the illusive, rare unicorn of fanfuckery -- A BIOLOGICAL MALE.


"Judas Manifesto is my pseudonym." WUT!? Get out of town!1!!!11!! 
"My real name is Brandyn M, just in case you were wondering. My most popular name seems to be "B Man"..." From G-D's ass (never take His name in vain!) to our glass table riches abound. 



Strictly Sexual by Judas Manifesto
WARNING: fire sale, gay homosexual anal intercourse, b-hole cream pies, and a general lack of knowledge on the topics of anatomy, physiology, bi-ology, and Scientology.
Backass!Ward x Jas!Hole x Horsecock!Emmett

Edward didn't start the fire, but there were three things about which he was absolutely certain; first, that it was always burning since the world was turning. Second, there was a part of him, and he wasn't sure how dominant that part was, which blamed the fumes of that fire for his flaming gayness, and third, he was unconditionally and irrevocably a twat.

Strictly Sexual by Judas Manifesto

Fat!Sam

Good Day Kind Sirs!


Keeping it moist on the intarwebzz- here we're  all about keeping your information highway walls slick by bringing you the best of the worst of erotic online fanfics, all based on the greatest fanfiction ever written: Stephanie Meyer's Twilight Saga.  Twilight is everything that is good in fanfiction; a slow burn of bad writing, meandering plot, and unresolved sexual tension resulting in four minutes of sex followed by forty minutes of crying.  But you know, four books just wasn't enough-And we're left with a huge hole to fill.... huge!  So here's to DPing the fuck outta this shit.
So many holes.... so little time.
Enjoy.





Dark Love: Chap. 1
WARNING: RAPE! sumptuous PRONZ, sins of the fleeeeesh. It is like stroking the inner thigh of your brain.

Starring everyone's favorite chubby rapist, Fat!Sam and CumDumpster!Quil. This is a SamxQuil IMPRINT fanfic. Which is kind of the Mormon chruch giving permission to spit on it and shove it in. It is also a RAPE fic (our favorite), buuuuuuut if Quil would a.) stop dressing so seductively, b.) not paint himself up like a whore, and c.) lay back and enjoy it.... it wouldn't be rape.

Anyways, without further ado, here is DARK LOVE by chaserno1