Iku-Iku

Okaerinasai! This weekend was both New York Comic Con and New York Anime Fest. As such, we felt it was only appropriate to deliver the sink tingling conclusion of I Found Love Akon 22. We will also be reading more of Isla De Cullen featuring a special GUEST READER. OOO the suspense! Hoo could it b?!
If you haven't done so yet, check out the webcomic site. It is constantly being updated with hilarious new items. We can also be found on twitter @_ctkblk.




I Found Love Akon 22: Part 2
WARNING: KAMEHAMEHAAA, nyah, nyahhh, meow, tingling sinks
Jacob!uke x Sam!seme
**our selection for WINNER of the SlashBackSlash 3.0 Contest**
Suki, suki, only 10 dolla'! MASAGA?!?!11!! Ureshii bishonen butsekz, yatta!! J-rocker-sempai shoves it in tomodachi. Itadakimasu! Love you long time- O.K. bye-bye!!


If anyone cares, this is what the future Mrs. Seth Clearwater, Rin Okumura, looks like. A sexual demon approaches.


Isla de Cullen: Chap. 9
WARNING: the disembowelment of young Bella's virtue, D/S themes, May/December relationships
Covet!ward x SugarBaby!Bella (a.k.a. Take!ward x Little!Bella) x voyeuristic Jas!hole


Covet!ward finally seals the deal. ARGH, ARGH, ARGH. Yuuup, burping the worm in the mole hole. A bit of the ol' bump 'n grind... talkin' 'bout sex. 

I Found Love Akon 22 by LovelyBeba

Isa De Cullen by CaraNo

Tender Rape

art by sugarpoultry

Time for some homespun grab-assed tomfoolery, but first we would like to remind everyone that we have launched the WEBCOMIC and we are now on twitter under the handle @_ctkblk


Uncontrolled Frustration: Chaps. 5-7
WARNING: slash, incestrophelia, corporal punishment, familial hurl/comfort, soothing back rubs, blazing bottoms, disregard for the fifth commandment
Daddy!Carlisle x ED!Bitchward

Emmett has received his punishment and now it is Edward's turn. Daddy bear Carlisle is displeased by Bitter Betty Edward's 'tude and serves up a full-service, erotically humiliating cuddle rape 'n run.

I Found Love Akon 22 by LovelyBeba
WARNING: RYOKOOOOOOOO, SUP'A KAWAII, way over prices, slutty raver vogue
Jacob!chan x Sam!sama
**our selection for WINNER of the SlashBackSlash 3.0 Contest**

NANI?!!1?? During their annual trip to Project Akon, Jacob finds love in the deep chocolate and chisel of a mysterious masked J-Rocker.

Uncontrolled Frustration by reading is my addiction
I Found Love Akon 22 by LovelyBeba

Heavenly Delights

BEHOLD. It has arrived on the whispers of an angel's wing, The Cullen The Kettle Black web comic site!!

The Gods delight in it and so too shall YOU!

Kernel Cornelius Cornhole

Holy baloney colonic, Batman! Yes, it's that time again. The time when we bend some ham down on Bosco Boulevard. Once more our collective dude-erus's shall overfloweth with riches of duck butter for our morning toast.

We could blame whoricane Irene or Labor Day for our extended absence, but really it was just the lazy, and deadly, sin of sloth keeping us from pooting out eraudiophelic love letters for all of your sweet, angelic, anglo faces.

We do, however, have a couple of announcements to razz your berries. Cullen the Kettle Black is now on twitter under the handle @_ctkblk!! Discerning followers will find vampire/Twilight-centric gems, crude doodlings, and many full-bellied laughs. Speaking of non-sequitors, we will soon launch the Cullen The Kettle Black web comic site for our Twilight-inspired drawings!!1!11 (they came before the chicken AND the egg)

Uncontrolled Frustration by reading is my addiction: Chaps. 1-4
WARNING: slash, incestrophelia, corporal punishment, familial hurt/comfort, soothing back rubs
Daddy!Carlisle x ED!Bitchward x PowerBottom!Emmett x Ineffectual!Jas!hole

E.D.ward strikes again. Having fought with Bella about her relationship with sistie/bestie Jacob Black, Edward returns home shamefully aroused and spoiling for a good man wrestle. Provoked by Emmett into a quick game of sword-crossing tickle-fight the boys are soon discovered by Carlisle. What comes next is a incesterbation spank-a-thon leaving readers with a confused and uncomfortable feeling similar to when you happen to sit in the one inexplicably hot subway seat next to your creepy uncle who then begins to stroke your knee lovingly, if somewhat roughly.

Uncontrolled Frustration by reading is my addiction

Introducing the title theme to Breaking Dawn pt.1: 
"I don't wanna be a crappy housewife"

cockblockalypse

Isla de Cullen: Chaps. 6-7
WARNING: Maybe she's born with it. Maybe it's manatee.
Covet!ward x SugarBaby!Bella (a.k.a Take!ward x Little!Bella) x Eternally!Vivacious!Manatees

You may be wondering wut happened in chapter 5? The same ill-conceived ball slapping that has been happening since chapter 1.

As Covet!ward and Jas!hole continue to vaingloriously fap over their tag-team Mentalist-style puppetry of Bella's maidenhood, we discover that Edward is in all actuality the afghan hound to Bella's turkey. Both are exceptionally stupid animals for their species.                                      
                                                                                                       Isla de Cullen by CaraNo

Know Thyself by Melooza
WARNING: Sick freaks getting their freak on in a freaky way. Also, homosexual social mustache preening.
Sweaty!Nervous!Fatty!J.Jenks x Good ol' boy!Charlie

Shame fisted by Jesus into a life of vaginomics, Charlie Swan, small town cop, thinks there could be more to life than awkward heterosexual corn dog eating. One fateful night, the magical romance of fresh homicide introduces Chief Swan to the man of his wildest salad tossing wet dreams, detective J. Jenks.

Know Thyself by Melooza

fug-diddly-umptious

Isla de Cullen by CaraNo: Chaps. 3&4
WARNING: exquisitely flawless, glistening, pure, ripe virginal maidens, D/S May/December relationships
Covet!ward x SugarBaby!Bella (a.k.a Take!ward x Little!Bella) also featuring Ghost!plane & the sensually rustling winds of change

Be informed that we will be starting with chapter 3, because porn helps to sooth the pain. Here is a brief summary of chapters 1 & 2 so that your world will still be round and toilets will still flush clockwise.

Bella, 18, bored rich girl who is only shown love through the hot shame of Uncle Sam making it rain from her parent's bank account decides to spend the holidays with her friend Alice, also 18, also bored and rich, on the exclusive, private island of family friend, Mr. Edward Cullen, 37. In a desperate attempt to fill the icebox where her heart used to be, Bella finds solace as PURE, the fetish model with a hymen of gold.
Mr Cullen, the verbose douchebag posing as a BDSM dominant, takes to young Bella like a hog to truffles, and it's... could it be.... love?
BUT WAIT! Edward's BFF is like totally Bella's BFF's BF. The tangles web is woved, and it's a wild, cum- gargling ride from then on as Bella and Edward try to juggle business, pleasure, and Edward's testicles.

For a more robust user experience, we recommend the Isla de Cullen BLOG. There is some pretty exquisite fan art. 

BORE-IGIN STORY -- all the background you never cared about.

Isla de Cullen by CaraNo

Kabuki Rape

Hate Bella!: Chaps. 7-12
WARNING: Crossdressing/Feminization, D/S relationships, DO NOT read this fanfic if you are not capable of multiple orgasms.
Dom!Bella x Sub!ward x Slug!ward x Michael!ward

Jus ween Edward's think the Bella is starting to like him, she. us like the shadow boxing Russian circus/ bear who bite he owner. Mythical doctor's appointments, tight red skirts, and the smell of fresh degradation, the fantastical conclusion(maybe/sorta?) of Hate Bella! is just how Bella like it.

Hate Bella! by rob-love

P.S. Through a series of non-events I was witness to the douche bazooka known as a 100 Monkeys concert over the weekend. I wouldn't recommend it. The experience was somewhat akin to death by horse cock. Also, Jackson Rathbone is a feltchmongering cum fart and Uncle is a sexy chocolate daddy. That is all.