O.M.G.Y.G, we saw Breaking Dawn for the first time last night and we can hardly believe that after all this time it is finally here. It. was. AMAHZENG. Mostly because the plot was turned on its face and had its ass pried open. But we are also sad because we have to wait a whole nother fucking year to see the end of it. We won't go into detail cause of spoilers and shit, but honestly, if you don't want spoilers you shouldn't have read the forth book.
BELLA DIES IN THE END.
I'm WHAT HE'S WHAT? by Mikesh: Chaps. 1-3
WARNING: mpreg, slash, character death, not for the sanitive of hearing
Sm!ella x Jerk!Ward x TwatWaffle!Jacob
O.M.E. hold the mustard! Total drama island! Bella just wanted to spend some quality time with her bestie, Jake, before her wedding, but instead all she got was killed by a biker gang. Nao every1 h8s Jacob for not protecting her. Then through a series of unintentionally hilarious and confusing non events, Jacob becomes preggo with Edward's ego!
Tonya & Rosalie's Lovescapades by VampireLove 1919: Chaps. 1-3
WARNING: womyn with a "y", fem slash, body image affirmation, pussy drum circles, mother earth
Tegan!Tonya x Sara!Rosalie
Many people believe vaginas are frightening deli counters full of mysterious meats and cheeses, but not these box lunch pros. If vaginas were cottages, they'd rent one for the summer. Tonya and Rosalie reinvigorate female sexual archetypes in the name of lezzy love. Ladies, get your pussies out and start drumming. No penis people allowed.
As stated at the end of the podcast, S.987 is now being discussed by congress. 700,000 signatures have been delivered by opponents (yay us!), but it still looks as though this bill could pass. So, at this point we harass our congressional representatives to represent our feelings in these discussions. Check out the links below to identify and contact your representative.
This Wednesday, November 16, 2011, bill S.978, the Protect IP ACT, will be up for vote in the senate to amend current copywrite law to include streaming as a federal offense (under current law, unauthorized streaming is only a misdemeanor). This bill is also EXTREMELY THREATENING TO YOUR RIGHTS. Both Klobuchar and Coons, senators who proposed the bill, have stated that it would only target websites or people who profit from illegally streaming copyrighted material. The problem with this is that the legislation is worded too broadly to protect ordinary users. Proponents of the legislation claim the law will not target ordinary individuals, but we all know that the real world don't work that way. The outcome of any case brought under this new legislation would be up to the interpretation of the prosecutor.
A key aspect of S.978 seems to be whether a user gains or seeks profit from the material. But when you have an artist like JBiebes, whose YouTube videos led to a super successful career, he could be said to have "gained commercially" from those performances. Meaning that since he made these videos that were originally not-for-porfit, but then made tons of money as a direct result of his videos, he should pay up. The same thing could happen to the Hillywood Girls and their popular Twilight parody videos. They go to Twilight conventions to promote and sell merchandise. What happens when you actively look for donations on your iTunes-hosted podcast or use ad support for your blog/website? What if, for some unknown reason, your shitty fucking fanfic gets turned into a movie? Knowing that it was based on Twilight -- SMeyer might want a cut 'uh dat cheddah. When it comes down to it, "Commercial Infringement" isn’t well defined.
From Open Congress here is a summary of the bill:
"...Makes unauthorized web streaming of copyrighted content a felony with a possible penalty of up to 5 years in prison. Illegal streaming of copyrighted content is defined in the bill as an offense that “consists of 10 or more public performances by electronic means, during any 180-day period, of 1 or more copyrighted works” and has a total economic value, either to the copyright holder or the infringer, of at least $2,500."
Three major changes are incorporated into this bill...
1.Website blocking: The government and corporations can order service providers to block websites for infringing links posted by any users. (Egypt Riots anyone?)
2.Risk of Jail for Ordinary Users (i.e. you, me, everyone we know): It becomes a felony with a potential 5 year sentence to stream a copyrighted work that would cost more than $2,500 to license, even if you are a totally noncommercial user, e.g. singing a pop song on Facebook or your ringtone is caught in the background of a YouTube video.
3.Chaos on Teh Intarwebz: Thousands of sites that are legal under the DMCA would face new legal threats. People trying to keep the internet more secure wouldn't be able to rely on the integrity of the DNS system. A.k.a. the end of Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, Flickr, YouTube, etc. pretty much any site that allows user generated content.
This bitch, Senator Amy Klobuchar (D-MN) is a TWIMOM. SHE IS ADVOCATING TO REMOVE YOUR FREEDOM TO MAKE MANIPS, BANNERS, FAN VIDS, IMAGE GALLERIES, FANSITES, FANFICTIONS, BUTTONS, PODCASTS, etc. -- Anything that is not licensed for your use. Her bill claims to not harm casual users not seeking profit, but if you have a subscriber donation/sponsored podcast or a blog/website that is ad supported, YOU DOIN' A NICKLE IN TEH BIG HOUSE, BRAH!
So, I am pleading with you, if you live in the United States of America, I don't care if you're not political, buy all your music and movies legally, don't care about Justin Bieber, don't care about your rights, please sign the petition over at freebieber.org.
If for nothing else, PROTECT TEH PRONZ!!!1!!111!
Watch now as Klobuchar uses precious, tax-payer time on the senate floor discussing with Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan the age-old question, "Jacob or Edward?"
P.S. Kagan, for her part, refused to comment on any case that might come before her court. Obviously, she knows it's all about Jacob.
Explore the chilling legend of pain and anguish as your ears succumb to the petrifying tales of Cullen The Kettle Black - Halloween edition!
Isla de Cullen: Chap. 9 (cont.)
WARNING: the disembowelment of young Bella's virtue, D/S themes, May/December relationships
Covet!ward x SugarBaby!Bella (a.k.a. Take!ward x Little!Bella) x voyeuristic Jas!hole
Covet!ward blows his load.
Three Pigs by Holly1980
WARNING: women of loose morals, loose kegel muscles, and even looser reasoning skills, participation in pagan rituals, sex-negative mormon demons
Edward x Bella Alice x Jas!hole Rose x Emmett x mute!farm!hand!Riley
Bored with the monotony of drunken pussy flashing and the lack of service in da club, Bella Swan decides that this Halloween will be different. Convincing her gal pals, Alice and Rosalie, to join her at the Cullen Country Farm Halloween Hay Ride, the girls are swept up in a spooktacular fright of family fun and old farmer Cullen's bevvy of super sexual sons. Choosing to ignore these signs of the devil three - pig races (cloven hooves), pumpkin picking (Jack of The Lantern's Wandering Soul), and zip lining (only assholes zip line) - the girls become quite taken with these slut shaming Mormons of the damned. Unfortunately, no one told them that nothing good happens on Halloween.
Going Solo by Sperks00
WARNING: B.A.B - babies are BORING,
hairypalmed!Emmett x Edward x Dr.Dad!Carlisle
Since Edward has nothing better to do, like raise his child, so he goes over to his neighbor's to yummy down on Emmett's throbbing hot pole of man chicken. Giving it "Diff'rent Strokes" like Arnold Drummond, a wild Carlisle appears to wiggledunk his son's purple starfish. So escargot, Dr. Dad knows when his little snails need Frenching. Wax on, wax off.
Okaerinasai! This weekend was both New York Comic Con and New York Anime Fest. As such, we felt it was only appropriate to deliver the sink tingling conclusion of I Found Love Akon 22. We will also be reading more of Isla De Cullen featuring a special GUEST READER. OOO the suspense! Hoo could it b?! If you haven't done so yet, check out the webcomic site. It is constantly being updated with hilarious new items. We can also be found on twitter @_ctkblk.
I Found Love Akon 22: Part 2 WARNING: KAMEHAMEHAAA, nyah, nyahhh, meow, tingling sinks Jacob!uke x Sam!seme **our selection for WINNER of the SlashBackSlash 3.0 Contest** Suki, suki, only 10 dolla'! MASAGA?!?!11!! Ureshii bishonen butsekz, yatta!! J-rocker-sempai shoves it in tomodachi. Itadakimasu! Love you long time- O.K. bye-bye!!
If anyone cares, this is what the future Mrs. Seth Clearwater, Rin Okumura, looks like. A sexual demon approaches.
Isla de Cullen: Chap. 9 WARNING: the disembowelment of young Bella's virtue, D/S themes, May/December relationships Covet!ward x SugarBaby!Bella (a.k.a. Take!ward x Little!Bella) x voyeuristic Jas!hole
Covet!ward finally seals the deal. ARGH, ARGH, ARGH. Yuuup, burping the worm in the mole hole. A bit of the ol' bump 'n grind... talkin' 'bout sex.
Time for some homespun grab-assed tomfoolery, but first we would like to remind everyone that we have launched the WEBCOMIC and we are now on twitter under the handle @_ctkblk
Uncontrolled Frustration: Chaps. 5-7
WARNING: slash, incestrophelia, corporal punishment, familial hurl/comfort, soothing back rubs, blazing bottoms, disregard for the fifth commandment
Daddy!Carlisle x ED!Bitchward
Emmett has received his punishment and now it is Edward's turn. Daddy bear Carlisle is displeased by Bitter Betty Edward's 'tude and serves up a full-service, erotically humiliating cuddle rape 'n run.
I Found Love Akon 22 by LovelyBeba
WARNING: RYOKOOOOOOOO, SUP'A KAWAII, way over prices, slutty raver vogue
Jacob!chan x Sam!sama
**our selection for WINNER of the SlashBackSlash 3.0 Contest**
NANI?!!1?? During their annual trip to Project Akon, Jacob finds love in the deep chocolate and chisel of a mysterious masked J-Rocker.
Holy baloney colonic, Batman!Yes, it's that time again. The time when we bend some ham down on Bosco Boulevard. Once more our collective dude-erus's shall overfloweth with riches of duck butter for our morning toast.
We could blame whoricane Irene or Labor Day for our extended absence, but really it was just the lazy, and deadly, sin of sloth keeping us from pooting out eraudiophelic love letters for all of your sweet, angelic, anglo faces.
We do, however, have a couple of announcements to razz your berries. Cullen the Kettle Black is now on twitter under the handle @_ctkblk!! Discerning followers will find vampire/Twilight-centric gems, crude doodlings, and many full-bellied laughs. Speaking of non-sequitors, we will soon launch the Cullen The Kettle Black web comic site for our Twilight-inspired drawings!!1!11 (they came before the chicken AND the egg)
Uncontrolled Frustration by reading is my addiction: Chaps. 1-4 WARNING: slash, incestrophelia, corporal punishment, familial hurt/comfort, soothing back rubs Daddy!Carlisle x ED!Bitchward x PowerBottom!Emmett x Ineffectual!Jas!hole
E.D.ward strikes again. Having fought with Bella about her relationship with sistie/bestie Jacob Black, Edward returns home shamefully aroused and spoiling for a good man wrestle. Provoked by Emmett into a quick game of sword-crossing tickle-fight the boys are soon discovered by Carlisle. What comes next is a incesterbation spank-a-thon leaving readers with a confused and uncomfortable feeling similar to when you happen to sit in the one inexplicably hot subway seat next to your creepy uncle who then begins to stroke your knee lovingly, if somewhat roughly.
